Swift Quake

Posted on 29 July 2023 by Larry Russwurm

Did you hear about the Swift quake at the Taylor Swift concert in Seattle? That’s right, Swifties’ dancing combined with the sound system are believed to have caused tiny earthquakes, the largest of which was 2.3 on the Richter scale.

Lumen Field, the site of the Swift concert, was known for the “beast quake” which occurred in 2011 when Seattle Seahawks football fans celebrated a touchdown. That measured 2.0 on the Richter scale.

Now I would like to point out before the Swifties brag too much, that Lumen Field is in an area of the US that is prone to earthquakes. As such it probably has more seismographs that are more sensitive than other ones at other locations. They want to have advance warnings if there is to be a a big quake.

Bands from a bygone era may have triggered bigger earthquakes in the past. I’m looking at the Who, which had the loudest concerts on record. So much so that band member Pete Townsend is almost deaf.

But for the record, I most want to implicate the band Queen. We Will Rock You has a pronounced simple beat that the audience can easily follow. With a clap, clap, STOMP, I bet that some Queen concert of years ago would have had the record if they were being watched by all the seismographs near Lumen Field.

But for now, Swift has the bragging rights. I bet more acts would like to play Lumen field just to see how well they will do in the great seismograph competition. Who knows maybe Queen might be curious how they could do vs. Swift?

Sensitive seismographs could be set up near other venues, all over the world. It could be an international contest of who has the most raucous fans. Who knows, maybe Swift and Lumen Field can keep the record. But with all the fans and acts around the world, I doubt it.

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‘Battle of the Generations’ to be Called Off?

Posted on 22 July 2023 by Larry Russwurm

The new show which pits Boomers against Gen Xers against Millennials against Gen Zers may be forced to come to a halt. Why? Because of the scarcity of Gen Xers.

When Gen X was in its infancy, it was firstly called the baby bust. That’s because there was a sharp drop off in babies after the baby boom. So obviously, to begin with, there were a lot fewer Gen Xers.

Then, to add to the scarcity, Baby Boomers and Millennials both spread their range into the Gen X territory, making Gen X even scarcer.

And now, this generational trivia show has siphoned off all the remaining Gen Xers who are good at trivia and can handle being on camera. With no one left to carry the torch for Gen X, filming of this new show has ground to a halt.

For commentary we asked gen Xer, John Abelson what he thought of this kerfuffle. All he did was ask “Is that camera on?” We finally told him it wasn’t. Then he said, “It has a light on. Is that camera on?” We gave up after our deadline for reporting had passed.

We asked the other Gen Xer Tracey Tyson if she would be interested in carrying the torch for Gen X. She said, “As sure as the British won the American Revolution, I will out trivia anyone,”

So now CTV is scrambling to try to put something together. They are thinking of changing the name to “Battle of the Significant Generations”. After all there are still some Silent generation people around who were never included in this show. Of course, if they were included, they wouldn’t be very silent.

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A Partial List of Rock Bands that are Better than the Rolling Stones

Posted on 15 July 2023 by Larry Russwurm

The Rolling Stones are overrated. Some people in my area might disagree. The nearby city, Toronto, in order to declare that the risk of getting SARS was over, had a festival to declare that illness gone. They got the Rolling Stones to headline. I was not impressed and didn’t go.

The local museum here in Kitchener, had an exhibition that they declared a triumph as they were only one of three cities getting it. It was a Rolling Stones memorabilia show. I am not impressed . I didn’t go to this over hyped event.

The worst part of Rolling Stones propaganda is that they are hyped as the greatest rock and roll band in the world. They have a handful of good songs and a couple handfuls of okay songs. I don’t think they are worthy of this title.

And let’s be crystal clear. The Rolling Stones would never have gotten this tag line if the Beatles hadn’t broken up. No one considers them better than the Beatles.

So allow me to present to you a partial list of bands I consider better than the Rolling Stones.

I don’t even consider the Rolling Stones the second best of their wave of music to come out of Britain in the mid 1960s. I prefer the stylings of the Who. And if they didn’t impress you in the 1960s, they would in the 1970s. The Who was a better rock band.

What came next in rock music was progressive rock. The bands that came to the fore in these times were much better at their instruments than the Rolling Stones ever were. Bands like Pink Floyd, Led Zeppelin, Yes, Genesis and Rush are more deserving of “the greatest rock and roll band in the world” title.

Next came arena rock. While it could be argued that a few of them were still progressive, like Queen, Supertramp and Styx, others like Electric Light Orchestra, Journey and Foreigner were straight pop rock.

The eighties showed the Cars, the Police, the Cure, Men Without Hats, U2 and INXS were better bands than the Rolling Stones.

The nineties had funk rock and grunge which had bands better than the Rolling Stones. Among them were the Red Hot Chili Peppers, Faith No More, Nirvana and Pearl Jam.

This millennium saw bands like Coldplay, Bastille and Imagine Dragons be better than the Rolling Stones.

If you’re wondering what the magic formula is for being better than the Rolling Stones it is simple. 1. Be a rock band. 2. Put out a few good songs. 3. Wait for I or someone else to declare you better than the Rolling Stones.

Have you ever noticed that nearly every Rolling Stones cover song is better when done by a new band?

I also am not at all impressed by Rolling Stone magazine, which has a very similar name. What can I say? I like moss.

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Heated Skate Blades

Posted on 8 July 2023 by Larry Russwurm

When I first heard of heated skate blades I thought, well there’s a way of skating that sounds like it is cheating. You see, skating is a way of putting all your weight on two small skate blades. All this pressure makes the ice on the top turn to water, thus making skates more slippery. Obviously heating the blades, is going to make the skates even more slippery.

All this got played out in the NHL 15 years ago. 5 players tried it and only one thought the heated blades were better. So the study was expanded to 50 players. I couldn’t find any results with this expanded study. Perhaps someone with better google fu than me can find this. Regardless, the results mustn’t have been good if this is the last we’re hearing about it.

The specific claim that the company wanted to make is that with their blades it should take less energy and be faster at getting to top speed. That’s the theory anyhow.

But testing this would be easier in the sport of speed skating. There would have to be a different design to the heated blades simply because speed skating blades are different. But this wouldn’t be impossible. It wouldn’t just be an NHLer saying ‘I couldn’t tell the difference.’ Speed skating is a sport of 1/100ths of a second. If there is any real benefit, I think that sport can settle things once and for all.

Of course things couldn’t be decided just there. There is also the skater and what they are used to. Perhaps the skater needs to begin as a heated blade skater, so they are truly master of their different blades. So if the company that makes these heated skate blades, really wants to find out if they offer an advantage, they should go on a long term study with speed skaters.

However, patents only last about 20 years. It’s my understanding that the company that offers heated blades, sells them to junior skaters and anyone who just wants a pair. They might even have gone under. Again anyone with better google fu than me might enlighten us.

So, in a few years the national speed skating associations can develop and start distributing these to some in their system. Then we can finally see if they make any difference at the speed skating level.

I doubt the difference can be calculated on how they feel to an NHL player who has spent their life on unheated skates. Winning by those 1/100ths of a second in speed skating, might be a more concrete example of the blade’s superiority.

Who knows? Maybe the heated blade will find a home in figure skating. Perhaps the extra slipperiness will make the weaker skaters fall more often. In which case, it may be enforced from the top to the bottom.

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Stampede!

Posted on 2 July 2023 by Larry Russwurm

I don’t know what people were thinking out in the old west of North America with the cowboys and their giant herds of cows. It being the old west, everyone had guns. Sure that’s okay if you use yours. Then the cows would stampede away from you. But what about if someone shot theirs on the other side of the cows from you. They would stampede toward you.

I guess that’s why everyone had horses. And that’s why being a horse thief was considered such a heinous crime. If you were on a horse you could flee the stampede. At least until it peters out. But what happened at night? When you were no longer on your horse.

At night could be prime time for cattle rustlers to steal the cows. It’s simple. Approach the cows on the opposite side of the cowboy encampment. Then shoot your guns and yell. The cows would trample to death all the sleeping cowboys. There would be no eyewitnesses of your cattle rustling.

Which is why the cowboys had to stand guard and also why they would have a big chuck wagon with them. The guard would hopefully stop the cattle rustlers. But if it didn’t, You could put your chuck wagon between the sleeping cowboys and the cows, That way if the cows stampeded toward the cowboys, they would avoid the bigger chuck wagon and thus go around the cowboys.

So the old west was survivable, even with stampedes. But this has got me thinking. Sure the shooter is immune to stampedes from most locales. But what if they shot their gun while being in the middle of the huge heard of cows?

Of course the cows in front of the shooter are going to head away at full tilt. The ones to the side would even go in the same direction as the front cows. But what of the cows to the rear?

Would they actually flee in the same direction as their compatriots? In other words, would they head into the scary noise? If so, the shooter may be killed.

Or will they turn all the way around and then run? Or will they not run at all? While I might want the answer to this question, I am not going to go into the middle of a herd of cattle to test this out. I guess some questions just weren’t made to be answered by me.

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Beneath the Waves – Above the Waves

Posted on 24 June 2023 by Larry Russwurm

It made headlines recently, the fact that New York city is sinking. It is because of all the massive amount of weight contained in all those high buildings. But various parts of the city are sinking at different rates.

Counter intuitively, all those highest buildings aren’t sinking at all. Why? Because they go down to the bedrock. And so far, bedrock hasn’t been found to sink at all.

Still, Parts of Manhattan and the other boroughs are sinking by between 1 and 4 mm a year. This, combined with the rising of sea levels mean that eventually these parts will be beneath the waves.

Could this possibly mean there was an Atlantis with incredibly high and heavy buildings that already sunk beneath the waves? It’s a possibility. However, I doubt the world could support a continent sized city with massive skyscrapers all over. Still, maybe Atlantis was only an island. If the island had no bedrock, with skyscrapers it could easily have slipped beneath the waves.

But Atlantis is so depressing. Why couldn’t there be a continent that rose above the waves?

There kind of is an Anti-Atlantis. The lands reclaimed from the ocean in the Netherlands are a kind of Anti-Atlantis. The idea is simple enough. Build dikes higher than the water that completely contain an area, then pump out the water and keep pumping through any rainfall. What you get is fully reclaimed land from the sea. For centuries the unceasing pumping was done with windmills which made that an iconic symbol of the Netherlands.

I did wonder what kind of crops can grow on land that has been in the briny deep. Lands with salt tend to be infertile, but not to all crops. Just by growing salt tolerant crops, in a couple decades or so, most of the salt will be out of the soil, and more normal crops will be able to be grown in that soil.

So, as long as the Dutch don’t decide to build skyscrapers on their reclaimed land, they have successfully pulled off the Anti- Atlantis trick.

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What’s in the Name, Newfoundland?

Posted on 17 June 2023 by Larry Russwurm

When the explorer Cabot got to Newfoundland in 1497, Columbus had already discovered America, so, it was definitely possible that this was the same land that Columbus had discovered. Still the name Newfoundland eventually did stick. Perhaps the British had every intention of using it as an excuse to settle and trade in the Americas, instead of just letting Spain and Portugal do whatever they wanted there.

But, perhaps, the British knew the history of this large island. They could have heard about the Viking sagas of settling a new colony past Iceland, past Greenland. A place they called Vinland. If these sagas were true, the Vikings were the first to discover these lands for Europeans.

Maybe the British tried to bury these discoveries, also, by calling it Newfoundland. This way they had a better claim to its shores and all that fish in the Grand Banks off Newfoundland. Better to ignore the rumoured Vinland and claim this land for themselves.

It was only in the modern era when it was discovered that the Vikings left some remains in L’Anse aux Meadows. This was authenticated by archaeologists and is still the only known Viking Settlement in North America.

It’s possible that the indigenous Beothuk drove them out.

Could the British have guessed this? Is that why the Beothuk became exinct in British times? Did the British deliberately kill them with diseases and starvation (the British overtook the coasts and left the Beothuk with little access to the rich fishing)? So the British in their turn wouldn’t be wiped out by the Beothuk?

Or did the British wipe out the Beothuk in revenge for the wiping out of the Vikings in North America?Was there some secret cabal of white power, even back then?

And wouldn’t the Beothuk be more likely to call this island, Oldfoundland? Who knows how many thousands of years earlier it was for the Beothuk and their ancestors to find it.

Ahh, Newfoundland. Your statement of a name just leads to so many questions and possibilities about it.

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Methane Reductions

Posted on 10 June 2023 by Larry Russwurm

Even assuming we get down to zero carbon dioxide emissions by 2050, the second biggest contributor to climate change needs to be addressed. That is, methane emissions need to be curbed as well.

Scientists are already studying cattle as one of the biggest sources of methane gas. They say 95% of the methane emissions coming from these beasts are belched out, but I believe that is a big lie meant to attract farmers to the dairy and beef sectors.

After cattle, the next biggest source of methane emissions is the middle aged man. I remember the halcyon days in my youth when I emitted almost no methane. Front or back. Why, I couldn’t even figure out how to fake burp for years.

Those days are gone, now, and all I hope for is that one of my burps or farts will not turn out to be a chain burp or fart. What do I mean by chain? That is when one burp or fart stretches out and lasts 30 seconds or more.

Can we contain the gas of middle aged men from the source? Most people would point to beans as being the source. But I haven’t had beans with pork in tomato sauce for a decade because I am on a low sodium diet. The only other source of beans for me were the kidney beans in chili con carne. But I stopped eating chili because I stopped eating beef. I have stopped for at least 5 years, maybe 7 or 8 years. So I haven’t had beans in almost a decade. And I’m as gassy as ever.

Certain probiotics claim to lower gas and bloating. The side effect of this may be flatulence. Huh? Isn’t 50% of gas, flatulence? Probiotic science doesn’t seem like a science just yet. But, what will happen in the future when it is more proven?

Will middle aged men be prescribed the right kind of probiotic to lessen their gas? Will this be volountary? Or will we need probiotic free jails for the rebels. The guards would have to be robots because of the hard conditions. Those same hard conditions might cause some to finally agree to the probiotics.

For the public, this will mean a much less stinky environment. All while cleaning up the environment and helping reverse climate change. A win/win.

But I still imagine a divide in the public. Middle aged men will try to demand free probiotics for their conditions, saying that it is necessary for life. Conservatives will try to block this as they always do. So middle aged men will go on a strike (without probiotics) and hang around conservative conventions and meetings. Now that is a heavy handed tactic, but, it might just be necessary.

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Grab Bag o’ Humour: A Hockey Sandwich

Posted on 3 June 2023 by Larry Russwurm

The Florida Panthers banned playoff ticket sales for the first day to non Americans in the 2nd round of the playoffs. This in a series where they were playing the Toronto Maple Leafs. Such blatant prejudice would likely have been condemned if it were the other way around. Imagine the Maple Leafs banning Americans from a series in which they were playing Boston. Imagine the outcry.

But this is only the first day of ticket sales, you might point out. This is the playoffs. The tickets will likely be sold out in the first day.

Since there was not even a peep out of the NHL brass, I guess we know what the National in National Hockey League stands for. America, of course. I guess Canada can now expect if any of its hockey teams are in trouble that they will find a new home in the U.S. of A. Good luck having any new franchises coming up here.

There is a Canadian Hockey league and that is the juniors. I guess that’s where we Canadians will have to be happy. In the Juniors. Soon everyone will call us America Junior.

*

Don’t believe the hype. Francesco Mutti hates tomatoes. He claims it’s the opposite but actions speak louder than words.

In this ad, Francesco Mutti notices a tomato about to fall onto the ground from the top of a tomato trailer. He leaps forward and “saves” the tomato by catching it in the air.

What’s wrong with this? Well first of all the tomato was going to fall into a soft bed of grass. Mutti stops it with his hard hand. Not only this but Mutti’s hand is moving upward as he catches it, creating a greater force when his hand hits.

Mutti could have done the tomato a favour and missed catching it. This is also a big problem in superhero movies. If superman catches an airplane just before it hits the ground, it is as bad as if he hadn’t been there at all. He’s got to catch it say 100 meters from the ground and decelerate it so the passengers live.

*

The Seattle Kraken and Las Vegas Golden Knights were given golden entries into the hockey world. In only its second season, the Kraken have made it to the final eight. In only their 6th season, the Golden Knights have made it to the final 2 for the second time.

Why is it necessary to give expansion teams such strong players? Why must they start in the top half of the NHL in skills? While the NHL may not want losers for expansion teams, this is going too far in the other direction.

Soon the rest of the NHL will know that the Stanley Cup is out of reach because there is an expansion team that year. Maybe we could start each new expansion team by just giving them the Stanley Cup that year, forgetting the playoffs.

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Which Kind of Zoomer Are You?

Posted on 27 May 2023 by Larry Russwurm

Lately I’ve been seeing Gen Z-ers being called Zoomers. First of all bravo you namers. You named Gen Z-ers after their most hated generation. The one they keep getting compared to, negatively of course.

Secondly you didn’t check with other parts of the world to see if someone started calling Boomers, themselves, this. They had. ZoomerMedia is an entrenched Canadian company that began in 2007, (ten years before people began calling Gen Z-ers this). Shortly before, Boomers that were more active in older ages than their parents and other generations coined the term Zoomers. As this was a positive portrayal of the generation, Canadian media pounced and Zoomer Magazine and Zoomer Radio were born.

It’s not for a lack of names that some call you Zoomers, Gen Z. Pick any of the following: iGeneration, centennials, post-millennials, and Homelanders have all been used. Why not pick one of these? It’s easy.

Otherwise we name our generations thusly: the Greatest Generation, the Silent Generation, Zoomers, Gen X, Millennials, Zoomers. So maybe the new naming convention should be every third generation is named Zoomer.

However, Zoomer Media you aren’t helping your case. Now you say a Zoomer is anyone 45 and older. I will not sit by silently while you have attempted to wipe out Gen X and all they have fought for. Do you think a swipe of the pen can erase our non-identity identity?

It really doesn’t help your case when this is on the Zoomermedia page:

ZoomerMedia focuses on Canada’s most powerful audiences — the 17.2 million Baby Boomers and Gen Xers over the age of 45 (which we coined Zoomers) and the 13.2 million Millennials and Gen Zs under 45 (which in the US have recently also been coined Zoomers). The term Zoomer now represents the whole family, from old to young.

Now everyone’s a Zoomer? I don’t see generation, I only see Zoomers?

I might give up on deciding which side to land on. But I for sure do not agree that Gen X and Millenials should get wiped out by an all encompassing Zoomer tag.

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